Frustration at my Age Group

I honestly hate being 24 sometimes. And not for the reasons that you would think. I don't hate the getting old or the responsibility, infact I sort of welcome that. I hate being the single one, especially the relatively newly single one.

When I think of many of my closest friends this comes to mind: Engaged, married, expecting a baby, engaged to be engaged, engaged, together for 6 years, joking about getting married, looking for a ring, married, just had a baby.

This is not to say that I don't have friends who are just starting relationships, or who are in rocky relationships, or even who are single themselves. I'm not writing any of them off, and I love you all.

It just feels so hard when I stare down graduating college *knock on wood* in a year, getting my own apartment probably by myself in less than a year, and being thrown into the real world alone. I envy those who are my age, who are YOUNGER than me, who seem to have it all figured out. They may have questions and I know they have just as much stress as I do sometimes...but they have someone to help them through it. They have that shoulder to cry on, that hand to hold, and that heart that beats only for them (yeah I know I'm getting corny, deal with it =P).

And I can already hear the people who will not read this because they do not know where it is telling me that I did not come to college for my MRS degree and I shouldn't be acting like this. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that, as a great friend puts it, my light is on. I am ready for all the things I am helping my friends plan and giggling with my friends about and instead I face down starting it over again.

I am that girl who wanted to graduate college, find a nice teaching job (relative to a new teacher at least), and then get a house and start a family. I want to be a writer. I want to be a teacher. But below that, I want to be a mommy. I want to be a wife.

I guess I just want to be happy. Yes, I hear you, I know that I should be happy with who I am and if you don't think I am, talk to me sometime about what I've made it through to get here. But I am not a person who could be happy alone for the rest of my life. I have too many people to take care of and too much love to give.

Rant or not, that is that.
JKRENT

Porch Thoughts

I do that, I do thinking on Will's porch alot, cuz it just seems to make me do that. That and start conversations that usually go everywhere but where I expect them to go.

And this seems to be the difference between that fateful summer and this summer is instead of shutting down and pushing I push but then I pull back and I talk. I'm actually sort of proud of myself because I started writing Eric a note and then I told him about what I was going to write without even finishing the note.

Strength. Strength will make it better, not anything that other people can give or do for me. Strength to not be brought down when I am clearly the only one trying to and to not sponge the stress and unhappiness of those around me. Strength to not stress the small stuff and to soak in the happiness of the big stuff. Strength is what makes the little days great and the big days amazing.

I think my wings still exist. They may have gotten a little wet while I was feeling the rain on my skin but when I wasn't looking the sun dried them and I have to learn to use them again. Helps when I don't stretch them under the waterfalls.

I'm so confused by my life right now, by everything that changes so fast, but I'll be better exactly 3 weeks from today, on move in day...oh God, it's only three more weeks >.<

Changes

I...I am afraid that I am repeating what I did the summer the world fell apart and I don't know how to stop it. As my wonderful boyfriend puts it, there are bi-weekly breakdowns, which may well be an overstatement but not so far off either. It leads to a vicious cycle, I don't want him to have to deal with my stupid freak outs and I want to be someone who makes his life easier, not harder, so instead of telling him when things are bothering me I shut off and don't talk. But when I do that I just think about them more. What's worse is that I'm past the point of WORRYING about things and now I spend 7-9 hours at Wal-Mart, thinking. Running random things through my brain.

Me thinking is an ever dangerous thing. I doubt everything. I doubt that I'll be a successful teacher. I doubt that I'm a good girlfriend. I doubt that I'm going to do well on my own and that I'm going to have to go crawling back to my parents. I doubt that I've done I've done the right thing.

I feel like I'm making myself alone again, and I don't understand why. I have my wonderful boyfriend and my fantastic friends and my roommates who are awesome as well. I have it, I'm in it, and I DON'T UNDERSTAND why I can't just be happy...I don't understand why I'm not allowed to be happy, or why I don't allow myself to be happy.

Make it better.

Make me stop ruining my relationship. Make me be happy with my job. Make me be excited that I only have one more year of school. Make me not be afraid because I don't know the future and whenever I think I do someone decides to change it.

Tell me how to make it better.
Please.

And yes, this is becoming one of THOSE blogs because, again, no one actually reads it and I can spew it out to the internet and make it disappear. I refuse to have "biweekly breakdowns" and let that ruin the best thing...the best love I've ever felt.

What is this?

Honestly, it's probably something silly, but I'm just sitting here at like midnite thinking about this past weekend, when I went home for the first time since choosing to move to Macomb.

I find it so unfair that to make myself happy I have to make myself hurt so badly. My parents make it very difficult to make the choices I can see will be good for me, because choosing that path seems to mean that I'm turning my back on my family. Ask them and they will say different, but that is what they make it feel like. I don't know what to think about how my parents deal with me growing up. All I know is that right now I am fighting to keep myself from falling into that feeling alone summer that I have had so many times already.

I feel like spewing this out into a blog is asking for attention, but no one reads this so maybe it's just the materials I had at hand. And that is what a writer does, right? I will be one someday, I hope, if I can ever make myself focus on my writing enough to actually do something with it. For now, I work at Wally World where I apparently work too well even after taking it down a notch. I'm not complaining because it's an income, which allows to to be in a town that I've fallen in love with and to make this leap to be my own person.

I know that change is good, says the butterfly as she stretches her wings. But why does it have to hurt so much, every time? And why does the cocoon that holds everything she has known always have to be left behind?
~JKRent

Who are you teaching?

Teaching is one part information and two parts acting. 

To keep the students attention throughout a lesson takes excitement and entertainment. One must take into account the fact that we've all been there. Remembering your days as a student will more than likely help in your days as a teacher. Did you want to spend an entire day in your seat staring as the teacher spewed information at you?

Do your best to get your lesson interactive. If you can get the students involved, do it. If you can get them out of the classroom for the lesson without too much distraction, do it. 

The students need to have a reason to care about the information you are giving them. Maybe have them each teach a small part of your lesson. If you are working on counting, open a class store.  If you are talking about major historical figures, make sure you hit on male and female figures. The students have to know that there's a reason for what they are learning.

If the first thing you hear is "When are we going to use this?" you're doing something wrong.

Where do you start?

I think the starting point for a lesson plan shoudl be your classroom itself. Sure, you've got to start each year with a basic idea of what needs to be taught, but the driving force of the classroom should be the students themselves.

You cannot simply assume taht the same cookie cutter lessons you walked into your first day of tecahing with will last you until the day you retire. If you did you would not grow as an educator. 

You must first take into account how each of your students learn. Are there any students in your class who speak another language or have a learning disorder? What kind of learners are your students? Visual, Vocal, everyone learns differently and this will change how your lesson is taught.

After this take into account what your students enjoy. Are they on sports teams? What are their hobbies? What do they like to do for fun? 

Take all of this into account and you will have your basis for a fun and exciting lesson and an enjoyable classroom environment!